Monday, September 29, 2008

It's that time again!!!

Please pray for me fellow Bloggers!! Think of Madonna singing "Don't cry for me Argentina"! My first Tennis Match tomorrow night, doubles , thank God. Let's just say I haven't hit a ball in oh, 4 months.. I always think I will win. WTH is wrong with me? Why do I think I don't have to practice but I am Serena Freakin Williams on the court. Update tomorrow night. I pinky swear if I win, I will definitely go to Sunday practice, but quite frankly after Saturday football tailgating I am a WHEE bit tired. A girl has her priorities.

Note to Caffeine Court, I promise to practice more and be more serious( for my partners sake) and after the debacle with the HOUSE today and the STOCK Market plunging, my DRUG of choice is XANAX with a VODKA chaser!


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

You are the what? Really...........

My oldest daughter, who is in 7th grade made the JV Girls High School Tennis team this year. Yeah for her, bad for me. Not really, but her Coach sucks.
According to Webster's dictionary;
COACH(noun) : one who instructs players in the fundamentals of a competitive sport and directs team strategy.

Now this is where the bad for me comes in. We don't need "Debbie Downer "coaching our girls with phrases such as "You Lost?, great we needed that one to win the match"! "You Lost, I figured you would". Nice, that always motivated me when I played Team Sports. I have heard some say well, who else will do it? Well, I know 5 mom's who are great Mothers, Tennis Players and overall nice people I could suggest.

Oh, on a side note COACH, please for the love of Jesus, Mary and Joseph , lose the damn blue sofee's, raggedy T-Shirt and dress like the TEAM!

A loving Mother

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Say What?!!

I am a Loan officer with a Mortgage Company and yesterday I was helping a Client decipher his payoff on his current mortgage, confusing to say the least since it totally burned to the ground on Aug 1st, sad, anyway here is said conversation:

Client: Do you think you can help me? I don't know what to do.
Me: I will try but this may be out of my hands and a job for your insurance company.

Client(staring a hole through my head): Anybody ever tell you, you have nice lips?
Me to self: "no he didn't'" and continue to look at said paperwork

Client: "For real you do"!
Me: Not at work they haven't! Thank You

Client: "so can you help me"
Me: This is out of my hands and I wish you the best of luck!

we say our goodbyes, shake hands....

Now, if he said I had a Nice Ass I would have solved that problem!! Just KIDDING!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


After much consideration I removed my POST because quite frankly some ANONYMOUS PSYCHO commented 13 times, the last being 4:26 am this morning, must be the person I was talking about. So I was just saying, it was a figure of speech people! Ease up, simmer down, and move on.. I know I have! Have a Great day!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Does This Make Me Look Fat???

Damn, I guess I am going to have to return my NEW $300.00 black ensemble!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

God Bless America

LET us not forget those who so innocently lost their lives 7 years ago, and those who have lost their lives since, in the name of freedom. May God keep their families, friends, and this nation in the palm of his hand... Let freedom ring!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I'm Lovin It!!..

After CCD, we are Catholic, and the girls attend this religious education class EVERY Wednesday night for classes. Hell no they don't miss, and YES, they did receive the perfect attendance award last year, because I relish my 1hr 15 minute break at Target or Starbucks!

Ok, to the point! They get a treat for their torture, as they perceive it, so off we went to McDonalds, yes that's right the very same HAUNT we went to before and...

McDonalds: May I take your order?

Me: Well, yes, yes you may. I will take a large Diet Coke(me) and 3 Hot Fudge Sundaes (girly goos)

McDonalds: $4.45 please drive around

Me to Self: I must be on Candid Camera and they saw my car coming around??? HMMM?

McDonalds: $4.45

give her a $5.00 get change and pull up


McDonalds: Hey Sweetie! Do you need a drink holder for these Sundaes Sweetie?

Me: 3 seperate please GOTCHA JUST KIDDING

Me: No thank you!!

McDonalds: Have a great night! Me: You too... SWEETIE!

Now that's what I call service SOUTHERN STYLE

Is It Just Me??

As the Mother of 3 girls i feel like I have free reign to comment on this subject: BITCHINESS!

Ok, first let me tell you my girls are 12, 8, and 5. They are FAR from perfect. Oh, I am not commenting on their BITCHINESS but the BITCHINESS of some of the girls they go to school with.

I am perplexed on a daily basis why girls today are so damn rude and I am going to name a few: no, not the girls, examples of behavior EASE UP!

1. they see you but turn away so they don't have to speak. BITCH!

2. you say hello to them and they act like they don't hear you or your daughter. BITCH!

If you are thinking to yourself, no not my little Suzy, she's just shy. No she's RUDE. Shy is todays word for rude. So parents everywhere Teach your child to Speak when Spoken to.

If my girls act that way and I find out, or observe it, there will be serious consequences, it is simply in the words of BON QUI QUI! RUDE!

Now, usually it is my observation that the girls acting like this have BITCHES for Mothers... I'm just sayin..

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Haven't we Met Before...

Run, Run as fast as can be,
I'm the rude ass fast food girl named BON QUI QUI (YouTube: Bon Qui Qui! hilarious)

Seriously, how many of us has experienced this type of behavior, like WE are bothering someone in these establishments!

Case in point!

McDonalds: May I take yo orduh?

Me: Sure! I would like a McNugget Happy Meal sprite(girl), 2 small fries, and 1 large diet coke(me) and 1 large sweet tea.

McDonalds: blah blah drive thru

Me: Pay and say THANK YOU

pull up

McDonalds: repeats order back

Me: I'm sorry, can I get those fries in 2 seperate bags, they are for my girls.

NOW this is where it gets scary!

Shift Manager standing behind Drive thru Boy: What She Say?

DTB: She say she wants 2 diffrunt bags!

Shift Manager: uh uh! No, hell no and hands me a bag so I CAN DO IT!

Me: WTH! Never mind! before I drive off I must have been in some sort of Catatonic state for a moment because I yelled out YOU LAZY BASTARDS!

what what was that?

Back Seat: "Mommy are you mad"?

Me to Self: OOPS! For a brief moment I forgot they were there, see I told you I was in a CATATONIC STATE!

Monday, September 8, 2008

"Build it and they will come"...

Ok, let me start by saying I absolutely love my husband, ok, I got that out of the way!

About a month ago, my husband, whom I lovingly refer to as "TIGER", (nothing to do with CLEMSON), decided it would be a good idea to GUT the garage and turn it into a MAN CAVE. Come Again, a WHAT? Yes, that was the verbage he used. I think I may have said something like you are a FREAK or WT!, where the hell is all this crap going! Nonetheless, I set him free and lo and behold he created his dream....

Now, this all took place before the first Gamecock game so he could UNVEIL it to all the men in the neighborhood. Y'ALL he worked tirelessly for 2 days to get it JUST RIGHT..

I almost wet myself with glee for the man when he unveiled it, I have never seen him so excited, the man doesn't have a pulse, nothing bothers him, he is a constant. Now the MAN CAVE, that excited him.

The day of the game I looked around,and what did I see, men walking down the street towards our house with coolers full of beer. Women pushing babies in strollers also coming to our house. Children riding scooters and bikes coming to our house.. I looked at "TIGER" and said "did you invite all of these people to your MAN CAVE to watch the game?" Without missing a beat, he looked at me, and I swear to the Lord above he was serious and said..


Garnet and Black Stripes down both walls
8 ft. garnet and black plaid sofa
refrigerator stocked with beer

a place to call your own... PRICELESS

Saturday, September 6, 2008


DAMN, it sure feels like a hangover tomorrow!! Dang! That Firefly sure goes down easy.... I'm just sayin.. NIGHT NIGHT!

Just Call Me HAZEL!!

Ok, let me start by letting you young bloggers out there know who HAZEL is. HAZEL was a TV Show in the late 60's and ran throughout the 70's( obviously when I watched it). She was a chubby, lovely housekeeper for the Baxter Family, she was not a MAID! I loved her, because not only did she clean, she was a great source of knowledge for the Baxter family, who she lovingly referred to as Mr. B and Mrs. B. Anyway, my point is she was the Housekeeper, not the MOTHER.

I swear I spend every waking moment when I am NOT at work, NOT in the car shuffling the girls to and fro, CLEANING my house! My husband sometimes calls me HAZEL!! Ok the BUCK STOPS HERE! I am getting a complete makeover. He needs to start referring to me as Kitten, Honey, Sweetie, something, but Hazel, really....

Thursday, September 4, 2008

I can't take it!!!!

Well, once again the mighty Gamecocks, and I use that term loosely, disappoint!
Vandy 24
USC 17
Seriously, folks I cannot take it, I am feeling a little bit of ANGINA!! Why do I take this to heart? No pun intended, or was it , I am tipsy! I am 44 for God's sake. The party at my house was fun and I need to partake in a little nighty night, I have one more day of schlepping to and fro and let's not forget the new 8:30-5:00! whatever, it is enough to make me take to the bed.. Oh well....

You want me to do what?

Question? When you work in a business where you are a 100% commissioned employee do you need to be there from 8:30 to 5:00? I think NOT!!
At our Monthly Loan officer meeting to day the president of our company uttered those horrible words! WTH!, this is why I am in this business so Ican have the flexibility to work at the office and from home. My 3 girls have needs, like.. gymnastics, tennis, church and quite frankly I have a need also.. HAPPY HOUR and President, if you are reading, it is between 4:00 and 7:00, which gives me ample time to make sure they are bathed, homework done and I am in one happy mood hence the name!! There you have it.